What If, Instead of Writing Blind Items, Gossip Columnists Wrote Like This:

Unknown:  he’s [REDACTED] FUCKING [REDACTED]

Anonymous: that was his reasoning too “i’m[REDACTED] fucking [REDACTED]!”

Unknown: whatever. standards. if he’s in town next time you better fucking fuck him.

Fact:

“If a girl wears a short skirt or dress, men automatically think, ‘She wants it, and she’s probably an animal in bed.’ I just want to feel sexy today. I don’t want you” — Amber Rose, model/girlfriend of Kanye West

Endquote [New York Post]

Things That Are True

Also true: I think Biggie was better than Tupac

Last night, we met some people from the East Coast at a bar.  And boy, was it refreshing to have a conversation where the H-bomb (“hella” — or it’s retarded cousin, “hecka”) wasn’t dropped even once.

Things were “awesome” instead of “tight.”  And while a lot of things were “cool,” they certainly weren’t “sweet.”  I kind of liked this.  Then, later, they decided to smoke a bowl.

“This stuff is mad sticky, it’s hard to pack it in here.”  Eastie commented.  “Would you like some?”

The Good Ex-Roomate and I passed on this proposition, and then the East Coasters took a hit a piece, and almost passed out.

And that’s when I remembered another thing about people from the East Coast: they can’t take West Coast weed.

That’s hella rough.

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