Based on a True Email

My younger sister just left to start her first year at  university, officially making our parents empty nesters.  How have themom and thedad been celebrating a house bereft of theannoyingkids? Let’s check out the following email…

From: themom

To: thedith

Subject: Misc.

After watching Baby Mama, I watched The Bucket List. What should I watch next?

I don’t even know how to respond to this email.  Baby Mama AND The Bucket List? That’s like my bucket list of movies right there. Why watch another movie ever again?

Melissa: drop out of college immediately and come home.  I’m worried about our parents.

I Hear the Chicken Wings at Hooters are Phenom

Now that the OBG temp job is over, I’m trying to figure out how to spend my days until I find employment again.  Here’s what I’ve brainstormed so far:

• Move to Eastern Europe and finally join that traveling Gypsy band that I’ve been talking about for years.  And when I say Gypsy Band, I mean a literal band.  Like, with instruments, and singing and shit.  I think I’ll play the tambourine.  Or, if that’s taken, the mandolin.  But only if I can’t play the tambourine.
• Marry Macauley Culkin.
• Buy a Snuggie.
• Get into Polygamy
• Finally learn how to skateboard <– This one’s actually tops on my list.
• Donate my eggs.
• Watch every Kevin Costner movie ever made, starting with Water World.
• Start reading the Twighlight series just so I can learn what these dang kids are so crazy about.
• Lunches at Hooters
• Adopt an African baby
• Learn the choreography from “Everybody (Backstreet’s Back)” by the Backstreet Boys
• Buy a pair of these shoes in three different colors
• Threesomes

This is an open list, meaning I’m open to suggestions.  Got any? I’ve got lots of time to hear them…