And Sometimes, You’re Jennifer Aniston

Jose: So who you live with? Your family? Your husband? Your boyfriend?

Me: No. I live with a roomate — a friend.

Jose: Ohh, you no have a boyfriend or husband? I always thought you live with them. You no have a boyfriend?

Me: Nope.

Jose: Why you no have a boyfriend?  You beautiful.

[Ed note: so only ugly girls don’t have boyfriends? Gee, thanks…]

Dear World,

Stop asking single girls this question.  It’s rude.  I’ve written this post before, can’t we move on? Why am I still given a sad smile and a sympathetic head nod when I say, “I don’t know…It’s not really my number one priority right now to have a boyfriend.”  I’m not single because I “can’t land myself a man”, or because I’m “trying too hard”, or because I’m too busy sluttin’ it up.  It’s not that I consciously don’t have a boyfriend, but I definitely don’t need one to make me happy. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not down on love (I love love!), and I don’t despise the idea of a boyfriend (who doesn’t like spending time with someone they like?), but I do despise the fact that you think that I should just couple up with the next guy who wants to buy me a drink, because that’s what girls “past a certain age” do.

Listen, if you want to be my boyfriend, it’s not hard.  Just be cool, and interesting, and at least act like you like me, and I’ll consider it if I like you.  Because, ahem, I thought that’s how this girlfriend/boyfriend thing works? It’s based on liking someone — not the fear of being alone? Unless I got the wrong Life memo, in which case, please send me the updated version.

In the meantime, I’m gonna go watch some episodes of Lost, because I’m re-watching it from the beginning, and I don’t need to sit around pining after you like a bad Katherine Heigle romcom.  You are though, more than welcome to join.

Signed,

Maybe Jennifer Aniston doesn’t even want a boyfriend

What About Love?

Earlier Meredith posted an intriguing idea/belief that being single is more fun than being in a relationship, especially since we’re young and now is the time for us to have fun. I’m a hopeless romantic so I’ve always loved the notion that being in a relationship and in lurve is a great way to live. However, after reading Meredith’s ideas of the fun of being single, I began to reconsider. Being single IS fun! I’m able to go out on a whim with my friends, I don’t have to worry about waxing, I can eat a container of hummus without judgment…okay those don’t seem like perks about being single, but hey, hummus is good and sometimes I don’t like sharing.

Then, the stupid romance part in my brain kicked in and I got all, “But sometimes I want to cuddle! Making out with someone on a consistent basis is fun! Now I can see sci-fi and action movies with someone!” But I’m young! I shouldn’t be in a relationship, I should be playing the field and such while I can! No settling! So, in an effort of journalistic aspirations, I googled “Why should I be single” and came across an incredibly insightful list from the people at www.askmen.com. Instead of being persuaded to stay single, I actually got convinced that coupledom is the way to go–not only for my personal well being but because being surrounded by men who think like this is not ideal.

Below, my responses to their list. If you want to see askmen’s explanations, click the link above.

Number 10: You don’t have to tolerate moodiness & nagging

Response: Guys are as moody as girls sometimes (which is awesome to deal with) and it’s only nagging if you’re doing something that’s wrong and needs to be fixed.

Number 9: You can gain weight without worrying

Um, you can do this with a girlfriend too and it usually happens with both people in the relationship because each person doesn’t care anymore–it’s all about the lurve. Ew, sad but kind of true for the most part. I’m not saying that all couples are fatties, but being single is NOT the time when you gain weight. And, as a single girl, I don’t want to date someone who doesn’t give a shit about his appearance.

Number 8: You can appreciate your independence

Ok, this one I do agree with. However, if you’re in a healthy relationship you should be able to maintain some independence, right?  Ah to dream.

Number 7: You can control your finances

Dude, I want a bf IN ORDER to control my finances. We’d get an apartment and I’d pay less in rent since it’s only a one bedroom and therefore allowing me to save money. Done. Also, on the guy front: who do you think you’re dating? some completely dependent twat? Sure girls like it when you pay every so often, but we’re not all mooching bitches who require a paid dinner and drinks and monthly gifts that’s thought of as a “maintenance cost.” That shit is wack.

Number 6: You have more time for activities

Ok, so I kind of agree with this one too but think of all the other fun things you can now do with ease. Like playing tennis, having a guaranteed date to see a movie. Just because you’re dating someone doesn’t mean that you have to be together ALL THE TIME. Everyone needs alone time. Not all girls are clingy–and you better not be either. Please.

Number 5: You don’t have to deal with another’s personal habits.

There’s this thing called communication. If you don’t like something, say something. Next.

Number 4: You can be spontaneous

I think you’re thinking about children. you can’t be spontaneous with children–well, at least it’s harder. Ok this is another one where being single might be easier to just go on a girl’s weekend or something but again–if you’re in a good relationship, it shouldn’t be a big deal that you want to do something random. I say this now, but yeah, if my boyfriend suddenly decided to jet for the weekend and didn’t tell me, I’d be pissed. So ok, point: single people.

Romantic Kisses? Point: couples

Number 3: You can focus on your career

If having a girlfriend takes ALL of your focus and you suck at your job because of it, you have the wrong girlfriend. Not all girls are soul sucking twats.

Number 2: You can be your own boss

This article irks me because it makes it seem like women dictate every single aspect of what a guy does and that’s bothersome as that’s just insulting. If it ever gets to the point in a relationship where one person is controlling the other, it’s time to cut loose. But in my mind, if a relationship is healthy and you actually respect the other person (see Tammy and Eric Taylor on Friday Night Lights), this shouldn’t be an issue.

Number 1: You can flirt as you please

Yeah, I guess this is true. you can’t really flirt when you’re in a couple. I mean you can, but there’s the risk of jealousy and what not. For me though, I have terrible game and dread going to bars where I might be forced to flirt and interact with guys, so this isn’t a huge loss for me. In fact in my book, point: being in a couple.

I Thought We Just Wanna Have Fun?

Jemifer Aniston: Guilty of Ruining It. Refuckinglax, lady.

Co-worker: So, do you have a boyfriend?

Me: Nope.

Co-worker: Uhh…girl…friend?

Me: Nope.  No boyfriend, no girlfriend, and I don’t particularly want one right now.

Co-worker: [pensive] huh.

Why is it, that when a girl gets to be a certain age, she’s suposed to have a boyfriend (or desperately trying to get one) or else people think she’s nuts — or worse yet, deluding herself? I recently had the revelation a few weeks ago, that the majority of my girl friends are in relationships.  What was most startling to anyone who I would share this revelation to, is that I wasn’t even sad about it.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” They would say.

“Why? I don’t even really want a boyfriend.” Then the other person, most likely in a relationship herself, would smile sadly at me, feeling the pity for me that I was clearly too silly to feel for myself.

But, I don’t feel sorry for myself.  I like meeting new people, and not feeling bad about flirting with members of the opposite sex when I go out; I like not feeling obligated to hang out with one particular person just because it’s the weekend, and I-guess-that’s-what-we’re-supposed-to-do; I like not having to call someone everyday to check-in with them — or worse yet, receiving that “just checking in” call.  What I don’t like is the pressure that I feel from everyone else to “settle down” and have a boyfriend.  I’m not even 23 yet for chrissake, why should I have to “settle” for anything other than the seats in the back of the bus so that way old people can sit up front?

Caitlin: And then, we realized that everyone else Nina had invited to her party was in a couple —

Me: Literally, everyone.

Caitlin: Except the two of us, and Melroy, so then we just hung out with him and Al all night — single’s party, if you will.

Roomie Madoff: Oh, wow, really? Were they? I didn’t even notice [rubs her boyfriend proudly on the shoulder]

Me: [Ignoring Roomie Madoff] Oh, God, I just remembered you saying: let’s promise we never get boyfriends or girlfriends — and then we pinky swore.

Caitlin: Oh my God, I did? Wow, how lame were we? We’re retarded.  [Thinks a minute] I miss Single’s Party.  Remember how bummed we were when we found out Al was a fraud, and actually had a girl friend?

Roomie Madoff: [shakes her head sadly, in between the exchange of knowing glances with her boyfriend.  A sense of relief washes over her, as she thinks “thank God I’m not them!“]

Roomie Madoff’s Boyfriend: [smiles right back at her. Oh, those wacky single kids!]

It’s not that I’m opposed to relationships, don’t misinterpret me.  I just kind of think, hey, if it happens it happens, why worry about it? It alarms me that the two national past-times for girls in their 20’s seems to be a). obsessing about food and/or weight and b). obsessing about boyfriends/finding boyfriends.  Because really, aren’t there so many other things in life worth experiencing? Why try to force something that’s bound to happen anyway? It’s not that serious.  Why do you need a serious relationship? Can’t boys be just for fun, too sometimes?  Maybe I’m missing something, but I think the fewer responsibilities in life, the better.  Because someday, you might be married and have kids, and then you’ll be really sorry that you weren’t more carefree when you were younger.  Relax.    Remember Cyndi Lauper said girls just wanna have fun? Well, you’re ruining it.  Calm down.