A Tale of Two Biddies

On Monday, Jezebel had a post about in article that ran in the Guardian, questioning why Jennifer Aniston and Cameron Diaz, two actresses of similar age and dating…accomplishments? Get treated so very differently in the press.  That is: Why is the tabloid narrative on Jennifer Aniston of some sadsack Old Maid, unlucky in love? Meanwhile, Cameron Diaz’ tabloid narrative is one of a free-spirited, fun independent chick who just wants to have fun and date as many “hunks” as she can — and is awesome because of it?

I mean, listen, I can’t take Jennifer Aniston seriously as much as the next person, but her depiction in the press is kind of unfair.  Maybe Jennifer Aniston isn’t bad at love — maybe she’s really awesome at playing the field? How come no one’s ever thought of that? Yeah, that’s right, John Mayer, I see you…

That being said, if you have to compare my night of watching The Real World while eating half a pint of Ben & Jerry’s to something a famous single actress would do,  please go for Cameron Diaz.  I ain’t no Jennifer Aniston.

How come Jennifer Aniston Is Lonely, But Cameron Diaz Is Lucky? [Jezebel]

Why Are Cameron Diaz and Jennifer Aniston Treated So Differently? [Guardian]

And Sometimes, You’re Jennifer Aniston

Jose: So who you live with? Your family? Your husband? Your boyfriend?

Me: No. I live with a roomate — a friend.

Jose: Ohh, you no have a boyfriend or husband? I always thought you live with them. You no have a boyfriend?

Me: Nope.

Jose: Why you no have a boyfriend?  You beautiful.

[Ed note: so only ugly girls don’t have boyfriends? Gee, thanks…]

Dear World,

Stop asking single girls this question.  It’s rude.  I’ve written this post before, can’t we move on? Why am I still given a sad smile and a sympathetic head nod when I say, “I don’t know…It’s not really my number one priority right now to have a boyfriend.”  I’m not single because I “can’t land myself a man”, or because I’m “trying too hard”, or because I’m too busy sluttin’ it up.  It’s not that I consciously don’t have a boyfriend, but I definitely don’t need one to make me happy. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not down on love (I love love!), and I don’t despise the idea of a boyfriend (who doesn’t like spending time with someone they like?), but I do despise the fact that you think that I should just couple up with the next guy who wants to buy me a drink, because that’s what girls “past a certain age” do.

Listen, if you want to be my boyfriend, it’s not hard.  Just be cool, and interesting, and at least act like you like me, and I’ll consider it if I like you.  Because, ahem, I thought that’s how this girlfriend/boyfriend thing works? It’s based on liking someone — not the fear of being alone? Unless I got the wrong Life memo, in which case, please send me the updated version.

In the meantime, I’m gonna go watch some episodes of Lost, because I’m re-watching it from the beginning, and I don’t need to sit around pining after you like a bad Katherine Heigle romcom.  You are though, more than welcome to join.

Signed,

Maybe Jennifer Aniston doesn’t even want a boyfriend

I Thought We Just Wanna Have Fun?

Jemifer Aniston: Guilty of Ruining It. Refuckinglax, lady.

Co-worker: So, do you have a boyfriend?

Me: Nope.

Co-worker: Uhh…girl…friend?

Me: Nope.  No boyfriend, no girlfriend, and I don’t particularly want one right now.

Co-worker: [pensive] huh.

Why is it, that when a girl gets to be a certain age, she’s suposed to have a boyfriend (or desperately trying to get one) or else people think she’s nuts — or worse yet, deluding herself? I recently had the revelation a few weeks ago, that the majority of my girl friends are in relationships.  What was most startling to anyone who I would share this revelation to, is that I wasn’t even sad about it.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” They would say.

“Why? I don’t even really want a boyfriend.” Then the other person, most likely in a relationship herself, would smile sadly at me, feeling the pity for me that I was clearly too silly to feel for myself.

But, I don’t feel sorry for myself.  I like meeting new people, and not feeling bad about flirting with members of the opposite sex when I go out; I like not feeling obligated to hang out with one particular person just because it’s the weekend, and I-guess-that’s-what-we’re-supposed-to-do; I like not having to call someone everyday to check-in with them — or worse yet, receiving that “just checking in” call.  What I don’t like is the pressure that I feel from everyone else to “settle down” and have a boyfriend.  I’m not even 23 yet for chrissake, why should I have to “settle” for anything other than the seats in the back of the bus so that way old people can sit up front?

Caitlin: And then, we realized that everyone else Nina had invited to her party was in a couple —

Me: Literally, everyone.

Caitlin: Except the two of us, and Melroy, so then we just hung out with him and Al all night — single’s party, if you will.

Roomie Madoff: Oh, wow, really? Were they? I didn’t even notice [rubs her boyfriend proudly on the shoulder]

Me: [Ignoring Roomie Madoff] Oh, God, I just remembered you saying: let’s promise we never get boyfriends or girlfriends — and then we pinky swore.

Caitlin: Oh my God, I did? Wow, how lame were we? We’re retarded.  [Thinks a minute] I miss Single’s Party.  Remember how bummed we were when we found out Al was a fraud, and actually had a girl friend?

Roomie Madoff: [shakes her head sadly, in between the exchange of knowing glances with her boyfriend.  A sense of relief washes over her, as she thinks “thank God I’m not them!“]

Roomie Madoff’s Boyfriend: [smiles right back at her. Oh, those wacky single kids!]

It’s not that I’m opposed to relationships, don’t misinterpret me.  I just kind of think, hey, if it happens it happens, why worry about it? It alarms me that the two national past-times for girls in their 20’s seems to be a). obsessing about food and/or weight and b). obsessing about boyfriends/finding boyfriends.  Because really, aren’t there so many other things in life worth experiencing? Why try to force something that’s bound to happen anyway? It’s not that serious.  Why do you need a serious relationship? Can’t boys be just for fun, too sometimes?  Maybe I’m missing something, but I think the fewer responsibilities in life, the better.  Because someday, you might be married and have kids, and then you’ll be really sorry that you weren’t more carefree when you were younger.  Relax.    Remember Cyndi Lauper said girls just wanna have fun? Well, you’re ruining it.  Calm down.