Things to Do Once I Finally Have a Permanent Job

1. Visit friends and family back East.

2. Quit my job at the restuarant and, ergo, quit my 3-4 times/week smoking habit.

3. Find Jon and Kate in Pennslyvania and offer to take like, 2 of the 8 off their hands.

4. Buy a leather jacket.

5. Learn how to skateboard.

6. Turn Roomie Madoff’s bedroom into a meth lab.

7. Visit Duke in Paris.

8. “Visit” the cast of Lost in Hawaii and trick my way into a starring role for the final season.

9. Get a Wii.

10. Get Shia Labeouf to be my boyfriend.

11. Travel more.

12. Organize peace on earth.