Based on a True Email

To: Melsanie

From: thedith

Subject: Re: Sufjan Beat

Never really watched “Reno 911″…I wasn’t aware that there were new episodes? I thought there were like 5 all together…weird…oh well, RIP?

Alsoo, mi numero del telephono es [REDACTED]. Treasure it. It’s valuable. I don’t just give that baby away to anybody. Okay, that’s not true, I do.  I’m pretty sure millions of guys across the Yay Area have that number.  Kidding of course. Sort of.

Blahdie blahhh I’m tired. There’s a daddy long legs creepin’ on my ceiling. but I took my contacts off and can’t see it anymore…whiiiich kind of creeps me out even more…. Oh, one of my co-workers is moving to new york with her boyfriend, in January. She’s super excited about it. I don’t know why. Why blow a good thing, honey? I asked her where she wanted to live and she said, “I don’t know…hopefully Manhattan, if I can afford it.” I laughed. No one can afford Manhattan. But then she had a good response: “I mean, if I can afford to live in San Francisco, and make my rent and have money for food, I figure I can do it in New York.” Touche. It’s far more expensive here. Then, I made flirty eyes at a short, cute (but short) Indian guy. That’s right. Sometimes I flirt with customers.

OH and, this one girl who’s a server, who is SOOO our restaurant’s version of [REDACTED] it’s not even funny (I used to be afraid of her because I thought she didn’t like me, but now we’re cool.), was talking about her boyfriend troubles. It seems her boyfriend is a bar tender in the city. And, apparently, some girl customer told him the other night that she “wanted to get high, take him home, and suck his dick.” Yeah. I know. Like whaa? Who says that? What is wrong with people? Slash, let’s start using that line as a joke when we go out, it’s funny.

Then, another co-worker was reminiscing about how when they went out the night before, someone’s underage ex-girlfriend wasn’t  able to get into a bar they all went to last night. “That’s why being 21 is awesome! When you’re 21 you can rule the world!” [REDACTED] exclaimed. Meanwhile, being the resident oldy at the table, I had a hotflash and told the kids to turn their damn music down already.

Ugh, I found the daddy long legs again. Still creepin’ along. Seriously, it’s like, get to where you’re going and get out of here. I want to go to bed.  You think having high ceilings is nice. That is until you have a daddy long legs on your ceiling, and you can’t reach it, even standing on your bed. Life is HARD.

Based on a True Email

Subject: i didn’t read this article

but i like the picture.

BLOG HARDER!

Sent to you by Melanie via Google Reader:

Exploiting the Blog-to-Book Bubble: A Guide [Struggling Writers]

via Gawker by Alexia Tsotsis on 6/30/09

Two blogs, Texts From Last Night and Look at this Fucking Hipster, scored contracts at Penguin’s Gotham Books imprint in the past week, the latest in an endless series of such deals. Shouldn’t you get a piece of the action?

It’s not like there’s any shame in aiming for a book deal right when you start your blog. As the New York Observer puts it:

These days it seems more and more like people start goofy Web sites practically counting on seeing their stuff between two covers.

If someone’s going pay $20 for a bound collection of stale weblog posts, they might as well be yours. Here are some tips for living what seems like the new American Dream:

1. Focus on a hot technology like Twitter or iPhone apps – nothing scares the publishing industry more than a platform that basically makes it irrelevant.

2. Intimidate this shit out of people with your sheer Internet randomness. This worked well for “I Can Has Cheeseburger” and “Chuck Norris Facts,” two websites old people do not understand at all.

3. Racial commentary. (Well, it worked for that site about white people — Park Slope’s Blognigger still seems to be waiting on his book deal.)

4. Be this guy. (You’re next, Bonerparty. The world is watching.)

5. Three words: Stalk Patrick Mulligan: The editor who acquired “Texts” for Gotham, Patrick Mulligan, is like the Ari Gold of Tumblr-to-book deals, responsible for more of these deals than almost anyone else out there: Chuck Norris Facts, I Can Haz Cheezburger, Barack Obama Is Your New Bicycle and GraphJam.com the novels are all his doing.

Words of Wisdom from Patrick:

“Not all websites make great books,” Mr. Mulligan said in an email. “You have to be confident that you can curate the material in such a way that it still hits its audience while also taking advantage of the book medium. For the books that I’ve worked on… my aim is that the person in the bookstore who picks up a copy will fall in love with the material the same way as someone who stumbles onto the website.”

See you in hell Mulligan.

[Ed note: I would never buy these books.]