Based on a True Email

To: Melsanie

From: thedith

Subject: Re: Sufjan Beat

Never really watched “Reno 911″…I wasn’t aware that there were new episodes? I thought there were like 5 all together…weird…oh well, RIP?

Alsoo, mi numero del telephono es [REDACTED]. Treasure it. It’s valuable. I don’t just give that baby away to anybody. Okay, that’s not true, I do.  I’m pretty sure millions of guys across the Yay Area have that number.  Kidding of course. Sort of.

Blahdie blahhh I’m tired. There’s a daddy long legs creepin’ on my ceiling. but I took my contacts off and can’t see it anymore…whiiiich kind of creeps me out even more…. Oh, one of my co-workers is moving to new york with her boyfriend, in January. She’s super excited about it. I don’t know why. Why blow a good thing, honey? I asked her where she wanted to live and she said, “I don’t know…hopefully Manhattan, if I can afford it.” I laughed. No one can afford Manhattan. But then she had a good response: “I mean, if I can afford to live in San Francisco, and make my rent and have money for food, I figure I can do it in New York.” Touche. It’s far more expensive here. Then, I made flirty eyes at a short, cute (but short) Indian guy. That’s right. Sometimes I flirt with customers.

OH and, this one girl who’s a server, who is SOOO our restaurant’s version of [REDACTED] it’s not even funny (I used to be afraid of her because I thought she didn’t like me, but now we’re cool.), was talking about her boyfriend troubles. It seems her boyfriend is a bar tender in the city. And, apparently, some girl customer told him the other night that she “wanted to get high, take him home, and suck his dick.” Yeah. I know. Like whaa? Who says that? What is wrong with people? Slash, let’s start using that line as a joke when we go out, it’s funny.

Then, another co-worker was reminiscing about how when they went out the night before, someone’s underage ex-girlfriend wasn’t  able to get into a bar they all went to last night. “That’s why being 21 is awesome! When you’re 21 you can rule the world!” [REDACTED] exclaimed. Meanwhile, being the resident oldy at the table, I had a hotflash and told the kids to turn their damn music down already.

Ugh, I found the daddy long legs again. Still creepin’ along. Seriously, it’s like, get to where you’re going and get out of here. I want to go to bed.  You think having high ceilings is nice. That is until you have a daddy long legs on your ceiling, and you can’t reach it, even standing on your bed. Life is HARD.