I Would Bike 3,000 Miles

When Mel moves to her new Bkln pad, I’m going to come visit.  I google mapped the trip.  Only 12 days by bike! Big Apple, Here I come!

\(^o^)/

I figured my first post back on the blog should be a common love of thedith and mine. And what is that? Oh, you know, the usual. Just Japanese emoticons. It’s what brought us together. Well, that and the Heidi Klum Wonderland music video. Cue up Mase’s Welcome back ya’ll.

Japanese emoticon stamp is too cute for \(^o^)/ [Techgear]

You Know What, I’m Going To Say It: I Don’t Think Johnny Depp Is Good Looking

Johnny Depp is on the cover of this month’s GQ and I mean, sure he’s cute, and I’m not saying I have the greatest choices in guys, but I just don’t get. I have two main qualms:

1. Related to the previous post about facial hair (shiver), JD always has a weird goatee going on.  To some this might be cute but to me, it’s just…dirty. You’re not Jack Sparrow anymore.

2.  STOP STEALING TITLES AWAY FROM PEOPLE WHO DESERVE THEM MORE.  Granted, these are titles that don’t really matter, but still. Sexiest man? No, Johnny Depp. I don’t think so. Ryan Reynolds? Yum. Robert Pattinson? HELL YES. Most Stylish Man? I don’t think so, Johnny Depp. Joshua Jackson? You bet (Thank you Diane Kruger). Daniel Craig? Sexy and stylish.

So, there you have it. Ladies who love him? He’s all yours.

[Editor’s note: Props for staying out of the spotlight and dating a hot French woman. I may not think you’re hot, but I respect you, so there’s that.]

Dear Guys, No.

If this sight makes you gag, this post is for you.

Whatever girl woke up and thought, “Hey this is sexy on my guy” deserves to be dropkicked out a window because HELL NO it is not.

Daily Crush

What If, Instead of Writing Blind Items, Gossip Columnists Wrote Like This:

Unknown:  he’s [REDACTED] FUCKING [REDACTED]

Anonymous: that was his reasoning too “i’m[REDACTED] fucking [REDACTED]!”

Unknown: whatever. standards. if he’s in town next time you better fucking fuck him.

WITCHES ARE COMING TO HOLLYWOOD!

It looks like someone read my post about witches becoming the new vampires.  Since mythical creatures aren’t going away anytime soon, Dreamworks just scooped up the rights to what they hope will take over when the vampire craze dies out–Witches!

The story is about Holly Cathers, a teenager who discovers that she’s the descendant of a coven of witches and then falls in love with a witch from a rival coven.  Yep, this movie has tween written all over it and I couldn’t be more excited. Sure, the plot is thin, trite and and the success of the it lays in the hands of the casting director, but I’ll be following the updates closely.  Witches! Special powers! Flying! So awesome!

Dreamworks Decides to Get Wicked [The Movie Blog]

My Favorite Arrested Development Episode*

So Meredith and I are big Arrested Development fans on this blog.  After watching a few episodes this weekend I’ve come to the conclusion that the “Let ‘Em Eat Cake” which is the season finale of the first season might be my favorite episode–or at least one of my favorites.  After the jump, you’ll see why. 

I Saw This

 

So, I can cross seeing Hayao Miyzaki’s Ponyo off my to do list.  While I can’t say that I really understood what was going on in the movie — despite the fact that all the voices were done by English speaking actors, and everything was in English…it sure was fun to look at.  The movie was all traditional, hand-drawn animation.  And the backgrounds were done in colored pencil and pastels which was really awesome.   I’m forced to make the conclusion that the stellar reviews it got from The New York Times, The New Yorker, et al. were based on the fact that the images were brilliant — not the storyline.

Based on a True Email

To: Melsanie

From: thedith

Subject: Trapped in the Trash Closet

Today, at the restaurant, I got trapped in the trash room. Somebody had put the garbage can all the way in the back of the room, so I didn’t think it was a big deal when the heavy metal door slammed behind me while I traipsed over to empty out my trash. I tossed my trash bag in the bin, then groped my way through the pitch black darkness towards the door. Except, the handle wouldn’t budge. I was locked in the garbage room. In the pitch black.  The rancid smelling, pitch black.  

No one was around to hear me. I pounded on the door with my fist, nothing. I tried kicking the door loudly. Nothing. Iwas oddly calm about it. Like the time I got trapped in my apartment building elevator for 4 hours at 3 am in Paris. Like, sometimes you just can’t fight things. What are you gonna do? It’s an oddly Zen-like (okay, I don’t know what Zen means) but it’s an odd feeling to know that something kind of dreadful is happening, and yet you’re not at all panicked. What’s the point in fighting and panicking? What can you do?  Some people might call this giving up.  To those people, I shrug my shoulders. 

And then I thought about how great it would be if the restaurant didn’t have a host for like 30 minutes. The restaurant would descend into chaos  as managers, servers, bussers would be forced to scramble for the door each time a customer came to the host stand.  I was enjoying this fantasy as it played in my head. But then, before I could get too interested in this idea, the door swung open. It was my manager.
           “Oh, if I had known it was you, I would have kept you in there longer.”  He swung the door open, holding it open as I walked into the bright flourescent glare of the back office.   I shrugged my shoulders. Maybe he should have.  I wouldn’t have minded.  That’s Zen, right?