It’s Funny ‘Cause It’s True

My roomate is on Match.com.

Based on a Real Email

To: Melsanie

From: thedith

Re: Where Were You the Day You Learned John Mayer Has a Racist Penis?

I Thought This Was Called “Things Everybody Does”…No?

I don’t understand the remarkableness of the observations found in the following quote:

Video games. Greasy tacos. Wisecracks about scoring government-sanctioned weed. Meeting Mila Kunis gives you a glimpse of what might’ve happened if the Phoebe Cates character in Fast Times at Ridgemont High had somehow spawned a child with Jeff Spicoli.

Because:

a) Up until recently, I was operating under the assumption that all girls were like this.  Apparently they’re not? Go figure.  Well, all the ones I know are…Which leads me to…

b) Why do guys think it’s suuuch a crazy thing when girls act like this? Hello, we’re not all Paris Hiltonwannabes watching the Lifetime Channel, while gorging ourselves on Ben & Jerry’s, scheming to hook ourselves a man.  We don’t all want to date Jon Gosselin just to end up in the pages of US Weekly.  Many of us would never be caught dead watching any movie starring Kate Hudson, or, let’s face it, worse: Sandra Bullock.

So cheers, Mila Kunis.  I salute you for staying nerdy, eating greasy Mexican food, getting high, and dating my childhood crush, Macaulay Culkin.  Stay gold, Ponyboy.

And oh, Details magazine: go fuck yourself.

Mila Kunis is Funny, Fearless, and a Total Babe [Details]

FML

Does this mean it’s getting worse?

Previously

Raise Your Hand If You’re Winning At Life

Now, I’m not a computer expert or anything, but ut I’m pr-etty sure it’s a bad sign when you turn on your computer, and the screen looks like this…

Way to Go, My Hometown. You Asshole

Maybe you’ve heard about that Swim Club in Pennsylvania that’s in serious hot water (oh! Look, I made a punny!) over the fact that they’re revoking a summer pass they gave to a local summer camp? The summer camp is made up of mostly black and Latino kids, while the the country club is decidedly, um, not.  From The Huffington Post:

“The Creative Steps camp had arranged for 65 mostly black and Hispanic children to swim each Monday afternoon at the gated Huntingdon Valley club, which is on a leafy hillside in a village straddling two overwhelmingly white townships. But after the group arrived June 29, camp director Alethea Wright said, several children reported hearing racial comments and some swim club members pulled their children out of the pool.”

A few days later, Creative Steps recieved a refund in the mail, revoking their membership, for “safety considerations”.

This story bums me out, because yadda yadda it’s 2009, we have a black president, but also, this is my hometown! I grew up down the street in one of those “overwhelmingly white townships,” and yeah, it’s not a totally diverse place, but this sort of surprises me.  I say “sort of”, because, I actually can kind of remember that this particular country club had a pretty racist and anti-Semitic rep.  It’s just weird to see your big fat stupid, car dependent hometown receive national press for something so awful.

So now, our claims to fame:

Bob Saget (graduated from the local high school — what, what!)

Joey Lawrence (went to my school, saw him at Blockbuster once)

Me (awesome)

Bradley Cooper (went to my rival high school, major babe)

Matthew Fox (well, born there.  Former major babe)

and now this.  Nice. Slow clap, hometown, slo-ow. Clap.

Pennsylvania Swim Club Accused of Racism to Ask Minority Children Back [The Huffington Post]

At Least We’re Not Still Talking About Michael Jackson…

Presidents Obama and Sarkozy share a tender moment

Yadda, yadda, yadda, I’m sure you’ve heard about Obama Bootygate by now.  Who cares about nuclear disarmament? Two world leaders may (slash, Sarkozy, you toootally did) have checked out a girl’s ass as she walked by.  Or, did they? Gawker helpfully breaks it down, frame by frame.

Did President Obama Check Out a 16-Year-Old Girl? [SF Examiner]

A Frame-by-Frame Analysis of Obama’s Alleged Ass-Peak [Gawker]

Video Clears Up Obama Photo [ABC News]

Dear Halle Berry and Family, Seriously?

How are you guys so perfect? C’mon, stop it.  This is ridiculous.

All images via [JustJared]

Another Case Of How Kids Shouldn’t Even Be Seen

Girls, your efforts to be cool have totally backfired. You are now complete idiots around the world. High five.

These London girls didn’t show up to Prom in a limo like normal kids, they decided to get hauled to Prom by what looks like a butcher and a Jonas brother, in Barbie boxes. This is clearly a stunt to be “popular” but really? Doesn’t this just make your stock plummet to the bottom of the high school hierarchy? They’re totally Romy and Michelle.

The prom girls who really dolled themselves up…by arriving as Barbies in boxes. [Daily Mail]

I Still Hate American Apparel

she even has a hipster haircut. also, why is the crotch halfway down her legs?

she can't believe she's wearing those hideous leggings

ok, i kind of want that cardigan. but not shiny pants. she's not a robot.

"why me god? i just want to wear a ballerina dress and twirl!"

Why am I going to buy a kid $55 glasses that I could buy at a thrift store for $1?

meredith’s take on the leggings:

no, i like shiny leggings for kids

it will put an end to shiny leggings on adults

no one wants to dress like a 5 year old

annnd little kids love shiny shit, they’ll eat shiny leggings up, and then it will be so awful to be sitting next to a kid on the subway wearing the same outfit

and voila! the end of adult shiny leggings

True, but still. I’m not a fan.