Sometimes This Happens


There I was, talking to Nikki on the phone, chillin’ on the couch, staring out the window at the night-time version of our awesome view when, a light flicked on in the apartment behind us, revealing a cluttered livingroom and a…topless old chubby woman?  She waddled a little closer to the window, revealing herself to be a completely naked old chubby woman.  I wanted to look away, but I could not stop looking.

“Nikki, I’m going to have to interrupt you here, because there is a naked woman walking around in her apartment.”

“Wait, what?”

“I thought she was just a topless woman, but then, oops! Turns out she’s not wearing any pants either!”

“Okay….”

“I can’t stop watching.”

Ugly Naked Gal commenced straightening up her livingroom in all her ugly naked glory.  She picked up a package, waddled into the next room, revealing an ugly pale tan line on her ugly naked bum.  This was enthralling.  People like this DO exist.

When I got off the phone with Nikki, I rushed down the hallway to tell Dana, my roomate.

“Dana! You’ll never guess what just happened –”

“Naked neighbor?” Dana casually answered as if I had just asked her the time.

“Yeah, how’d you know?”

“Taylor and I have seen her before.  Welcome to the party. It’s an ugly one.”

I laughed for a second, but then grew pensive.  Because, I mean, who am I kidding here? This is totally me in thirty years.

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