Wanna Keep Up With the Kids These Days?

Feelin’ like an old fuddy duddy because you have no idea what a “sparkle vampire” is? Not quite sure why US Weekly thinks you’re supposed to care who Ashley Tisdale is dating (answer: no one cares who Ashley Tisdale is dating, so don’t worry about it)?   Don’t worry.  Semi-Unemployed-Me to the rescue!

It’s my opinion, that no one over the age of like, 18, needs to know who any of the above people are.  Hello, you a grown ass woman/man, you ain’t got time to keep up with Tiger Beat‘s demographic.  And, instead of feeling bad about that, consider it a good thing.  Trust me. Like, sometimes, I wish I didn’t know as much about Tween culture as I do. Maybe it’s because I’m getting older, but today’s tween stars are annoying, cheesy, and strangely braggy about being chaste — whatever, Jonas Brothers…

I will concede though, that there is one tween star to keep your eye on.  Demi Lovato. Demi Lovato is kind of amazing.  If you have to know who one tween star is, know her.  She’s less annoying than that Selena Whatsherface;

Selena Whatsherface

a better singer than Miley Cyrus;

I'm sorry, but someone auto-tuned the shit out of Miley's voice on "The Climb"

and less date rapey than The Jonas/Bone Us Brothers.

Demi has a new album out, which Mel claims is great (I’ve heard a few songs, and I concur that the stuff I’ve heard is good) and she has a show on the Disney Channel, Sonny With a Chance, that I may or may not have ondemanded, once, twice…or half a dozen times…

Long story short, Mel thinks Demi’s “the next Kelly Clarkson,” an honor I think is kind of dubious — mostly because Kelly Clarkson has become a sad caricature of herself (seriously, what the eff is up with that girl these days?) But Demi’s cool.  If I were still in high school, I’d totally let her sit at my lunch table.

Below, “Everytime You Lie” from Demi Lovato’s latest album.  Her voice is a little weak in the beginning (I’m surprised that wasn’t fixed in production…) but when you get past that, it’s a catchy little song.  Bop your head along to it on the bus.  I do.