Adventures in Awkwardness

This kid is probably awkward and I feel like him in social situations.

I’m awkward.  Some people think otherwise, but honestly, I’m just faking it.  I hate forcing conversations and I really don’t like being in groups of people I don’t know because it gets to the point where once you hit the seven minute lull and you have nothing else to say after that.  IT GETS WEIRD.

This probably happens to everyone, but I’m in perpetual fear of that lull and as a result, I most often avoid meeting new people.  There is an exception though and that’s if I’m with someone I know.  I feel safer knowing that if the conversation comes to a screeching, awkward halt, I can always fall back on the other person.

Tonight I had to overcome my social anxiety all on my own and go to a work softball game.  I got roped into it by this guy on my work bowling team who encouraged me to join under the pretense that he’d join to, but turns out he doesn’t really go to the games.  So there goes my safety net.  I was so nervous about going.  My heart was racing, my hands were shaking and I stalled for an hour so I wouldn’t have to be there the whole time.  I mean, these people all knew each other…I’m the outcast!  I almost backed out but I was ultimately convinced/bullied to go with the intention of meeting new friends! getting exercise! possibly cute boys! (but honestly, it’s media and most of them are gay so…that last one was a reach.)

Not at all what my first day at softball looked like

Well, turns out it WAS as awkward as I expected!  I mean, It didn’t help that I was scared like whoa to even play.  I’m competitive and I don’t like to be bad at things, so it’s not like I was going to go out there and throw a ball and have it totally miss my target. Oh well, I’m practicing this weekend because I’m a total tool.

BUT we all went to a bar afterwards and we went to a bar where they feaure a name every day and if your name is the name of the day you drink for free.  WELL, guess who’s name it was today?  Yes, you are so smart, it was MELANIE!  So exciting.  So I had two beers and ended up talking to a guy who was pretty nice (and looked hipster but lived in Harlem…yeah, how do I find these people?) but not even on the team.  Oh well, baby steps!

Next week’s mission: actually step onto the field and talk to someone on the team.  ONE TWO THREE BREAK!