What Can I Say? She Rules


Fact: Joan Jett’s pretty awesome.  There’s no disputing it, she just is.  If you try to tell me otherwise, I’ll cover my ears, squint my eyes and yell “LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU! I’M NOT LIS-TENING!” At the top of my lungs.  Then I’ll hold my breath until I start turning blue, which will freak you out, so you’ll have to rub my back and say, “I was just kidding, Joan Jett’s the fucking best thing to happen to music — she’s a Goddess amongst men!” In low, soothing tones.  Then I’ll let out my breath and say, “okay, she’s good, but not that good. Wow. Someone’s obsessed.” Then I’ll walk away shaking my head.  “Wow, what a nutter…” I might even mutter to myself.

I think my fascination with Joan Jett started about two months ago at work. I had this co-worker, Elaine, who grew up in Queens in the 80’s; one day, she was talking about all the awesome concerts she saw back in the day. And, seriously, it was everyone. Name a band, and she saw them. At first, I was impressed: “Bon Jovi?” Yup. ”

Van Halen?

” Uh huh. ”

AC/DC — ” Yeah, but I didn’t like their 80s stuff. ”

Poison? ” White snake, AND Rat.”

Then, I grew indignant, and tried to find people she HADN’T seen in concert.

Pat Benatar?  “Pppfft. Of course.” 

Heart? “My ex-LOVED Heart.

 This was too much. I grew desperate to find one band — just ONE who 80’s Elaine had NOT seen live in concert.”The Pretenders.” yes. “Joan Jett?” 
“Who’s Joan Jett?” Scott interrupted. 
“You don’t know Joan Jett?! I Love Rock ‘n Roll, Joan fuckin’ Jett?!” 
Scott shrugged his shoulders. “uh uh ohhh uh uh oh oh oh ohhh” wailed Beyonce to her single ladies from Scott’s computer speakers. 
Elaine was stunned for awhile, but then got herself together enough to respond, “oh, I know Joan Jett. One of my friends used to date her.” ONE OF HER FRIENDS USED TO DATE JOAN JETT! can you believe that?! Elaine is now officially the coolest person I know.
Later, while typing at my desk, a thought struck me. I paged Scott on my phone.
“Yes, this is Scott.”
“Scott, ask Elaine: Rick Springfield!”
“Are you serious?”
“Yes. Ask.” I sounded as triumphant as I felt.
“Elaine, Rick — ohmyGod I can’t believe I’m doing this…Elaine, have you seen Rick Springfield? [pause] she said yes, she was in the Girl Scouts, and they got to go on stage, it’s an embarrassing story, and she doesn’t want to talk about it.”

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