You Get What You Pay For

Okay, so, I know I shouldn’t complain, when I’m able to sneak onto the bus without paying because so many people are getting on/off the side-exit that no one notices me wiggle my way through, but people are ANIMALS. If you’ve ever thought to yourself, the difference between humans and animals is that we’re civilized; although we have primal instincts, we at least have the capacity of compassion, and empathy. we treat our fellow humans with respect, even when it’s easier to only look out for oneself. You’d be wrong — and also, why do you have so much time on your hands to think a thought like that? Weirdo… Also, I’d have to guess that you’ve never taken public transportation in a city before. And you’ve sure as hell never ridden a bus in San Francisco. SAVAGES.

SO, not only did I get pushed by a businessman who thought he could make his way out of the bus by shimmying his way between me, the pole that I was holding on to, and the tangle of people on the seat opposite me, but I was also yoga mat whipped by some Yuppy 20-something woman who clearly lacked spatial reasoning skills.

Then, THEN. The icing on the cake happened. This obese black woman — the kind you only see in like, Dairy Queen or KFC commercials, gets onto the bus. She starts scooting her way towards me, so I lean a little closer to the pole so she can wedge herself through the aisle (although I have doubts that this is possible). But you know what? You know WHAT? She doesn’t try to wedge herself through the aisle. oh no. she stops right behind me. Like, c’mon could you not see that I made room for you to pass not stay?!?! But then I’m like, “fuck it, I’m not gonna hug this pole for 5 blocks.”

So I lean back into my normal, pre-obeese-lady-settling-into-my-space-stance. Only, her butt sticks out like  a full foot from her back. No joke. So we ride like this, for half a mile at least. Me, wedged in between an old chinese man, clutching a wicker box filled with who knows what, and the biggest butt I have ever seen, jutting into my back. And San Francisco is a hilly city, where they teach their bus drivers to lurch and swerve whenever possible (gotta keep ’em on their toes) so imagine how fun that was, to have that enormous butt smacking itself into my back as we staggered across the city. I was wearing sunglasses, so no one could see my irate eyes, but I made it a point to purse my lips, and shake my head at everyone else around me. as if to say, “can you believe this?!” I imagined their impassive stares were politely empathizing with me.

“I know, and look at the size of that butt!” They’d answer.